Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Addressing the envelope, formally or casually

Formal uses full names and titles written out. Casual uses first and last names. Pick one style and use it on every envelope.

Formal: Mr. and Mrs. James Carter

Casual: James and Maria Carter

Different last names: Ms. Maria Lopez and Mr. James Carter

Tip: Write names out in full and spell out words like Street and Avenue on formal envelopes. Name each invited guest, so the envelope also settles who is invited.

Inner vs. outer envelope

The outer envelope carries the mailing address. The inner envelope, if you use one, names exactly who is invited.

Outer: Mr. and Mrs. James Carter, then the street address

Inner: Mr. and Mrs. Carter

Inner, with children: Mr. and Mrs. Carter, Emma and Noah

Tip: Skipping the inner envelope is fine. If you do, name every invited guest on the outer envelope or on the RSVP card instead.

Doctor, military, or professor titles

Use the title the person uses themselves. Doctors, whether medical or PhD, typically keep Dr.; military guests keep their rank.

Dr. Priya Shah and Mr. Daniel Cruz

Captain Elena Ruiz and Mr. Marcus Hill

Professor Alan Wu

Tip: When both people hold a title, list the one you know best first, or alphabetical by last name. When unsure, ask a family member.

When to mail invitations

Mail early enough for guests to plan and reply, and late enough that plans haven't changed.

Local wedding: about 6 to 8 weeks before the date

Destination or holiday weekend: about 10 to 12 weeks before the date

Tip: Set the RSVP date a few weeks before your caterer's final headcount deadline, so you have time to follow up.

Save-the-date before the details are final

A save-the-date holds the date. It doesn't need the venue, schedule, or dress code.

Save the date: Avery and Jordan are getting married on June 12. Invitation to follow.

Save the date for our wedding weekend in Santa Fe. Formal invitation to follow.

Tip: For a destination wedding, send it earlier than you would for a local one. Travel takes planning.

Postponed wedding: change-the-date card

Keep it short and warm. Say that the date changed, give the new date, and say that the invitation still stands.

Change of date: Avery and Jordan's wedding is now June 19. A new invitation will follow.

We've had to change our date. Please save June 19. We hope you can still celebrate with us.

Tip: A short message on your wedding website, plus a personal note to anyone traveling, covers most of the work.

Rehearsal dinner invitation

Send it as its own invitation so only invited guests receive it, with the host, time, place, and a reply date.

Please join us for a rehearsal dinner honoring Priya and Daniel. Friday, June 12, at 6:30. Hosted by Maria and Tom Ortiz. Kindly reply by May 22.

Tip: Don't tuck it inside the wedding invitation unless everyone invited to the wedding is also invited to dinner.

Multi-day wedding weekend

Keep the ceremony on the invitation. Move the rest of the weekend to a details card or your wedding website.

Join us for a wedding weekend in Santa Fe, June 12 to 14. The full schedule is on our wedding website.

Tip: Say clearly which events each guest is invited to, since not everyone is invited to everything.

Details insert card

Put logistics on a separate card so the invitation itself stays short and elegant.

Accommodations, parking, and the day's schedule are on our wedding website.

Details card: ceremony time, reception time, dress code, and a link to your website.

Tip: Keep repeated information consistent between the card and your website, and update both if anything changes.

Shuttle and parking information

Move transportation off the invitation. Put the details on an insert or your website, and add one short line pointing guests there.

Directions, parking, and shuttle times are on our wedding website. A shuttle will run from the hotel at 3:30.

Tip: Give the shuttle time and pickup location in one place, and again in a reminder shortly before the wedding.

Welcome bag note for out-of-town guests

Keep it short. Thank guests for traveling, point to the weekend schedule inside the bag, and name one person they can ask for help.

Thank you for traveling so far to celebrate with us. Your weekend plans are inside, and our cousin Maya is happy to answer any questions.

Tip: Name a real person with a working phone number, so guests have someone to contact.

Elopement announcement

Share the news warmly. You can announce after the fact and still invite people to celebrate.

Avery and Jordan were married on May 3 in a small ceremony. We would love for you to celebrate with us on June 12.

We eloped! Join us for a party in honor of our marriage.

Tip: Say plainly whether this is an announcement or an invitation, so guests know whether to reply.

Thank-you card wording

Mention the specific gift and how you will use it, and thank people for being there. A real sentence beats a form letter.

Thank you for the beautiful serving bowl. We used it at our first dinner as a married couple and thought of you.

Thank you for celebrating with us. Having you there meant so much.

Tip: Aim to send them within a few weeks, and no later than about three months after the wedding.